The other “personhood,” courtesy of SCOTUS,
Citizens United decision, January 2010.
Now
that corporations are effectively “persons” with the rights and appurtenances
thereunto appertaining, or the important ones, anyway -- are they also going to be subject to the
things that afflict the rest of us?
Citibank,
for just one example, presumably a male organization judging from its most visible
executives, is a tad over 200 years old.
There’s a TV commercial that says in more than half of all males over
age 50 the prostate gland, which starts out the size of a walnut, will have
grown to the size of a lemon by age 70 or 80. Citi’s prostate problem should be
something fierce. (How big would Mellon
Bank’s problem be?) Betty Crocker has to be menopausal by now. No wonder our
biggest corporations get cranky sometimes. Catch Sara Lee on the wrong day and you could
get a pie in the face.
Luckily,
these persons will now presumably be eligible for Obamacare. Pre-existing
conditions (indictments, fines, penalties) can be waived now. They could
register in the federal system and all
the states they live in; with some dedicated lawyering they could probably
qualify for subsidies. Headquartered in another country? Awkward, but what’s
Congress for? They’ll make it legal. If the country isn’t too big, the
corporation can annex it.
Some
of these outfits are that big and have tons of money, but the Supreme Court
says their spending millions to influence elections is just an extension of the
long-standing One Man/One Vote principle: One Corporation/One Election. Seems
fair.
But
if for all practical purposes they’re going to have the vote like us, give `em
all the rest of it -- standing on line at the Department of Motor Vehicles, wiping
the chins of their elderly retirees, really paying taxes...
You
wanna be a person, GM? It all comes with the territory.
